Reflections

Today is just one of those kinda of days. The weather sucks, my fibro is reminding me in a big way that I am sick. My arthritis is also giving me a ton of grief. So I sit here lookig out the window at the cloudy ski and I started to go back in memory. I look back and see myself in my child hood. That sucked. I told you about it in breif a few posts ago. As an adult my life hasn't been the greatest but then again it hasn't been terrible either. I have fucked up a lot, but not too bad. I sorta made it through 2 years and 8 months of aircraft carrier duty without too many scares. None on the outside anyway. I drove big trucks for close to 15 years and never wrecked out except for a sideways trip through the median once when I slid off an icy interstate. Yea that was fun. You shouda been there. My shoulder is still screwed up from that one. That was over 15 years ago. So for the most part my life has been pretty good. More good than bad. See the thing is that now all the bad is starting to come back to the top. When I smell diesel fuel I am magically taken back in time to the flight deck. It doesn't take much of an input and poof there I am. A helicopter or the sound of a fighter jet off in the distance. I try to not let those thoughts in, but hey ya know it happens. I try to replace the bad thoughts with good ones but that doesnt always work. When I get to feeling lousy I always try to "suck it up". I am not always successful with that. I am getting better at handling it though. I think. I jumped at my wife the other day for pretty much no reason. I was feeling crappy and I let it get out. In short I did apologize and got on with the day or evening. We ended up going out and watching a new band. More on the band later.  I also thought of a new subject for me to blog about. Ghosts. Yep I did say that. And I will make an entirely new post on that subject. You may find it interesting, or maybe not. So until then I shall say,  Later days my friends. Smoke em if ya got em....