Another Flare up

It's been awhile since I posted. Time seems to have grown wings or should I say jet engines. The months went by that fast.My trip went well. I have a lot of pics and memories. I had fun most of the time but I was battling with fibro pain and maybe some prescription drug problems. I quit all but one of my scrips. I do feel much better. Mostly. I've bee riding a flare up for 4 days now and that is making me just a little bummed out. I hate that. I want to do things and get ready for winter but, nooo I have to be sick. I try so hard to keep upbeat and not show my, just what the hell are we suppose to call this? It's not a disease. Syndrome sounds too much like a movie. Although sometimes, well all the time I wish it were a movie. Some cheesy sci-fi flick from the 60s.
     So I do my best to hide this. That is what is expected of me. I am suppose to be a "man".  I am suppose to do the "man up" thing. Ya know screw that. I hurt. All the time. Every waking moment. Sleeping ones to, I'm sure. It hurts to fix my tea in the morning. Damn it hurts to get out of bed, yet I do. I get out of bed and I do what I do. But that does not mean I don't hurt. It hurts to have my arms above my head. Reaching for something up high. It hurts to bend over. It hurts to walk the puppy. More ways than just physical too. It hurts to type this. But I do it. I do what I can. I tire very easy. But I try to keep going. When asked how I'm doing I almost always say I'm doing great or at least good. Even though I may be sick a hell or tired I still try to keep it hidden. I hate that.  Why should I have to hide anything?? I am an adult. But I still have to hide my feelings. My irritation with something is always misconstrued as severe anger. No. My illness or syndrome is misconstrued as laziness. Why? Are we as humans so afraid of some one that is not as healthy as the rest of the population?
     I made a comment one night at the bar about being disabled and not being able to do much except sit at home and smoke weed. So I get a really dirty look and a comment from a guy that went something like this. " You mean to tell me that you sit around all day smoking weed and collecting disability?"  I said "yea pretty much." He said why should his tax dollars go to support that. I said that for one thing his tax dollars have nothing to do with it. Two things. I worked all my life at hard labor kind of jobs and I paid my share of fica. Thats what I am collecting right now. Not your tax dollars. I did not comment on the fact that he had to weigh in at some where north of 300# plus he had a beer and was stuffing a very large and nasty looking garbage pizza in his face, while sucking on a cigarette . Just another redneck witch burner. It will be his turn sooner than he thinks. I have no room in my life for people like that. 
    So, because of that kind of attitude out there I no longer volunteer info on what is wrong with me or my body. I even try to derail the subject if it comes up. I will turn the conversation around to something other than my disability's. I have had to learn the same lesson over and over. I simply can not talk about what is bothering me or how I feel about certain subjects. Hence the blog I guess.  I have even told some people that I work for the US government and I can not talk about it. They laugh but I get a chance to change the subject. What ever works the best I guess. So I shall end this post because it's time to go get something for lunch.
       May we all meet in the clearing at the end of the path...