I guess it's been a couple of months since I last posted an entry here. I have been feeling pretty good lately, well mostly anyways. My complaints are small and kinda minor so I won't go into them today. Today I will ramble about this fibro and arthritis thing a little. I noticed in some of my posts that I say things like " my fibro" or "my arthritis". I decided a short while back that I would no longer, or at least, try to no longer call these problems mine. The way I am trying to look at it here is that I do not want any of these problems. I do not like it. I would not buy or even take these for free. Kinda like snow. I do not want it. So I am going to try to stop saying "my fibro" or "my arthritis", and try to say something more like "the fibro" instead. Why should I call it mine? I do not own it nor did I plan ahead to get it. It was not an impulse buy either.
It has cost me a lot since I've had it. You can read that in previous posts so I won't go over it again. I'm certainly not proud of having it. I would love to be able to leave it at the curb like a bag of nasty trash. Thats kinda how I look at it. It's just nasty trash. But I do not have to call it mine. Maybe that will make me feel a little better about this trash that I have. It makes no sense at all. I often wonder where it came from. Was it hereditary? Maybe. Was it stress? Maybe. Was it trauma? Could be. No matter were it came from the point is. I do not want this thing called fibro. Nor do I want the arthritis. I will try to stay mindful of calling them mine. Sorry guys you are not welcome in my body and I really wish you would go away. You don't have to go away mad, just go away.
Now heres an interesting point. If I woke up tomorrow and the fibro was gone, would I notice? Probably not right away. The scary thing is, would I miss it? I would love to sit here and say no not a chance in hell would I miss it. But, what if I did? I know that if were to disappear overnight I certainly would not want it to come back. Remember its not mine.
See you in the clearing at the end of the path... Peace.
18 June 2012
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